Just like that.......

Your whole world can change. One morning you are sitting joking with your family. That evening you have a massive brain bleed and you are brain dead. Just like that.

One day you are a vibrant woman with a loving family, and a wonderful life. And then you receive a diagnosis that will mean weeks, months, years of pain for you and your family. Until death comes a mercy to end the suffering.

I can't yet figure out which is worse... Watching a loved one slowly die, but at the same time you come to accept it and grieve throughout the process, or suddenly they are gone, and the grief takes you by total suprise and you never get the chance to say good bye.

This weekend I was faced with both situations. The pain both families felt was palpable. One family in denial, the other in shock.

After being with so much sadness all weekend, I came home and gave my baby all the hugs and kisses I could. Or, that he would tolerate, anyway.

I really enjoy this clinical. I am pretty much operating on own. I have one patient that is totally mine (same lady I took care of last weekend), and helped with a couple others. Mostly with skills. One poor man became my pincushion yesterday. I tried four times to start and IV on him and never could get it. Took me and two nurses before one could be started, so I don't feel so terrible.

Added a few more skills to my checklist. Did a ton of charting, and remembered to sign all my notes this time. :) So tired after clinical days. And then still have to do laundry, groceries and all that other stuff that makes up a weekend. I am running on fumes already.

2 more weekends. CAN NOT WAIT!!!!!!!

W. :)