99.9 percent finished

We took the pharmacology,critical thinking and careplan tests today. Not without my having a nervous breakdown the past two days.

It started last night, with me surrounded by my drug book, my pharmacology book, my notes, and realizing that there is just no way I was ever going to be able to remember all the actions, indication, side effects and interactions of all those meds. I am sitting there going, "I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm gonna fail."

I realized that I was not going to absorb anything else, and made myself go to bed at midnight, because I had to wake up at 0500. I tossed and turned and sighed, over and over again. Finally, I just got back up and tried reading some more. Bad idea. I burst into tears with racking sobs.

"I can't fail this now. I've given too much of myself, and sacrificed way too much to fail now."

I fell into bed at 0200 and tossed and turned for another half hour, before falling asleep.

I have a tradition of always dressing very comfortably for these tests. Comfy sweat pants, and shoes I can easily slip off my feet. I usually wear the same t-shirt for every one of these tests. It is from VEU's cheerleading team, and the back says "Whatever it takes, make it stick." My friends and I bought t-shirts recently at a pharmacology seminar that say "Anxiety, RT information overload AEB nursing school." We were all planning to wear these shirts for today, thinking it would be funny. I knew I needed to keep myself positive, so I wore my cheerleading shirt.

I was ready by 0548, and sat in the chair and tried to read a little more on the different classifications for the pharmacology test. I opened my drug book, and immediately burst into tears again. W said, "You aren't going to see the answers if you keep crying." I said through my tears, "These are Alzheimers medications. (sob sob) They aren't even on the test. Waaahhhhh."

I gave up. Gathered my things together, and left for school. I got there, and was ok. Then as we were entering, the class, I dropped my books inside, and ran back out the door, bawling again. (Do you think I may be a little tightly wound?!?!) Two of my friends found me on their way in, and one gave me a hug and told me it would be alright. The other gave me a Mento, and in we went.

The test was only 22 questions long. (Crap) 11 of the questions were calculations. (Yay!!! I knew I would have at least 50%) Except that I got my drugs mixed up a little, and thought cimetidine is a neoplastic agent. :P HOWEVER, I passed!!! 9 of our group of 40 failed.

Then it was on to critical thinking and care plan. I was much calmer for this part. I was expecting FIXING TO DIE. While the scenario was lengthy, the patient was not FTD. They had an upper respiratory infection. Yay!!!!

So, I passed everything!!!! 6 people failed the care plan. 17 people failed critical thinking. My heart is still pounding. I am still a bundle of nerves. I am so grateful it is over.

Now on to the final!!!!!!


Trying to explain to someone how stressfull it is in nursing school is impossible. Unless you are going through it. The thought that I may not make it out of this semester was more than I could take. I have my pinning in 11 days. I still haven't glued my ribbons on my cap, because I am too supersticious. (sp) I think it is time to glue one on.

W. :)